Overwhelming

Oh hell, I am physically and mentally drained. I've been waking up earlier, getting home later, and seeing Hailie less often. I finally had someone cover my shift at the gym on Tuesday, just so the two of us could have a date night and go see Star Wars. Even going to the 7:00p showing I was half worried that I would fall asleep from exhaustion. Don't be misunderstood, I was awake and loved every second of that movie after avoiding 100% of spoilers for over two weeks, but as soon as we got home I just immediately crashed. I knew there were going to be a few sacrifices going into this, and I'm starting to feel the toll from my body aching constantly due to the new routine I'm getting acclimated to. 

This isn't a complaint. it's just where I'm at. I had noticed that a few of the posts I've made in the recent past have come from a place that needed to stay motivated. My intent of those posts was to keep myself motivated first and then, secondly, motivate others through the action of progression. But I can't have someone stumble across my ramblings and think "he's made a change and his life is immediately better." That would be foolish. I want you to stop for a second and recognize why I find it important to share about this.

It's not about the progress I've made in two weeks. It's about the progress I can check on in two years. It's a message I find repeating to myself to stay encouraged. It's not fun spending as much money on school as I did to not see an immediate ROI. It will be less fun when I start paying back my school loans. None of that will be fun, not for anyone, not ever, plain and simple.

At the end of the day, I spent a lot to provide myself an opportunity to get a fresh start. I could have opted to struggle over money, but I made the decision to wean myself into this, so I cannot complain whatsofuckingever about a decision I continue to make on a daily basis. But my weeks are getting more full, besides DirecTV, the barbershop, and combat fitness, I also manage the social marketing for essentially what is my new business, and that takes up a lot of the downtime I have with Hailie. 

But I'm less than 2 months from quitting DirecTV, and I will probably be away from the gym by that point too. So things are definitely in a season of a ridiculously hectic blur, but at least, I know that the end is in sight.